Do I need to let your sister outside to go pee or anything before I leave?
i may or may not be hanging out with a boxer who has a daughter tonight. and he just spelled "honestly" like "onistly". He has prob taken a few too many hits to the head but he's hot at least.
you tried to tell me that ice cream had no calories because they were "frozen"
he was so nervous about his first time.. it was like michael j. fox trying to put on a condom...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I had a terrible day! The only thing that makes me feel better is knowing Jack Bauers day was worse.
Not going out tonight. And so the 25 day drinking streak ends....
She sent me a pic of shot glasses on fire if that tells you anything
Life's too short to be sucking dicks in cars for the rest of my life.
YOU BETTER NOT BE SHAVING YOUR LEGS RIGHT NOW IM TRYING TO HELP YOU
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
For the first time in my life, I may be the most normal person in the room.
Update: I am definitely the most normal person in this room. And the least tattooed.
Drunk field day, hangover yoga and sober archery practice
I just got offered free tattoos if I smuggle some guns from OKC to Dallas for a guy in the hells angels
I'm gonna go take a shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
QUICK FAX ME THE BALL
Not how faxing works at all btw
It's less than a hour into 2020 and I already want to punch some people in the face
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