just woke up and he was jacking off in the corner.. am i being punked?
Silently passing ghastly beer farts as I move around the bridal department at Tiffany's. Call it my contribution to the holiday spirit.
girl is pretty boring. i'm gonna see if she'll let me finger her.
just saw the guy i hooked up with last nights' face on a billboard. win.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I turned down free cocaine. I both respect and regret and that decision.
Bathrooms are cool, I think Im just gonna hang out here for a bit.
I have a huge bruise on my thigh that I am 95% sure is due to you repeatedly throwing me over couches.
Woke up on the stairs at my parents house. Good start to vacation.
I just sneezed weed. Kinda wanna try to smoke it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's really funny to see the look on the sales lady's face when she asks why you're replacing a painting. "I knocked it off the wall during sex w/ my heels," wasn't what she expected.
Sorry I disappeared. Do you hate me?
Not at all, did you not hear me clapping outside your car on our way out?
I did not get laid last night bc my condoms were too small. I'm allowed to be dreary
Betting for two different teams with two different guys is the best. Time to get $100 by one guy and laid by the other!
My vagina has made plenty life decisions and I would like to point out very few if not any of them were in my favor.
This is not okay. I only like one boy. I should like 200 boys and be having wild unprecedented sex. Instead I like one boy whose a born again virgin.
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