I got date raped at Sigma Chi last night!
Dude, you never made it to Chi last night. You fell into a tree and passed out.
just found my diary from when i was 14. i demand a drinking game of this.
I know now the amount of smoke it takes to set off the fire alarm....no longer worried about using the bong...not even close
You graduated two years ago... You can't keep using spring break as an excuse.
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Omg you had literally better be on fire, drowning, and being crucified all at the same time to be calling me at 7:30 in the goddamn morning.
Also, you tried to make me learn all of the presidents, in order, with a picture book as an aid. At 4 am. What the fuck?
Like hey, "you just spent $135k to go to a nobody law school to drive a mini van, be a dj, live in a smalllll ass apartment that smells like cats and your girlfriend fucks other guys."
somehow this turned into a costume party you have to get here now with my banana suit or I'm wearing my birthday suit
She makes him look at her naked pics before she sends them to someone she's actually going to fuck. I think this makes him mayor of the friend zone.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
They don't even know who I am but they just woke me up with maracas and invited my boobs to a kegger
I was just like oh sorry I'm peeling meanwhile my legs are on either side of his head and I look like a fucking Komodo dragon
I bet, I woke up to you like naked at 4 in the morning shoving a sandwich in your face
Smoked a blunt with my dad then introduced him to cinnabon delights. Today was a good day.
Three of my exes and one of my exes' brothers have hit me up and it's only been a week. I hate semester break.
Lol woke up with mangoes in bed with me
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