They told me I spent half the night at the club with one ball hanging out my shorts. Apparently it got me 1 free drink, 2 numbers, and thrown out.
my clit piercing makes the metal detector go off
Then we started crawling around on the floor because we couldn't get up so decided to be tigers instead. Gotta love power hour.
You better have your party panties on Saturday!
Why only Saturday?
Well I have an AA meeting Sat morning so I'm going to try to take it easy Fri.
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I found out that my first kiss was an Italian. Even in kindergarden i knew size mattered.
If you were curious as to how many pounds of bagged marijuana can fit in the trunk of a 2010 Chevrolet Aveo, we now have the answer
he told her he was actually impressed that she had fucked more people in this house than the four dudes living in it.
I'm tired and starving, and I'm pretty sure I just cost the company 33,000 dollars...fuck you and you're "you'll love going to work high" nonsense.
I started crying then my dog licked his dick so yeah.. Kind of ruined the moment.
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The blow job award ceremony was a little much. You guys didn't need to call out what happened the night before.
What? How can you say that? You won!
He smells like cinnamon, and what I imagine to be orgasms
I'm bringing my passport in case we get drunk and wind up in Mexico
purchased gas station taquitos and condoms at 4 this morning. It has been magical..
Just woke up to Siri reminding me that i need to kill the giant orange spider in my room, because it's sorcery and witchcraft is sacrilegious. Did you give me LSD again!?!??!
Your girlfriend agreed to a threesome, I saw dogs in a bar. It seems life is falling into place for us
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