worst lay ever....
as long as you cum, there is no bad sex
ya... thank god for condoms, I was able to fake it... I stand by my original statement
I just saw on the news, this guy tried to smuggle coke in a bouquet of roses... and to think I used to hate valentines day.
why is there a handicap sign in the bathtub and an exit sign in the kitchen?
lets deal with that after we figure out where i am
WHOA. WHOA. WTF. WHOA. TOO HIGH FOR HIM TO BE ENGAGED RIGHT NOW.
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You tried to call "time out" during the sobriety test.
Why do you have to go to the hospital?
I gotta apologize to a male nurse who's tryin to press assault charges on me
As hard as i've been partying lately their gonna have to revoke my organ donor status
Just found a pack of birth control on the corner of Oakland and Thomas, so if your desperate its up for grabs.
I just compared his sexting to a plate of spaghetti. And he STILL wants to sleep with me.
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guy next to me on the train just pulled out two bottles of gin and a block of cheddar. is slowly making his way through all of them.
I just found out who gave her jelly shots. You owe me a new mattress.
But no. So do not give him one damn penny. Unless they are in a sock and you are hitting him with it.
oh you can't commit, don't have any real ambitions, and love to drink PBR? well.... sign me up!
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score onr for mom.
Dude why is my bed and bedding wrapped in bubble wrap?
Cuz u wanted to insure u had a safe sleep
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