Well listen chief - never again do i want the scenario of going to the ER totally naked and partially drunk to b a possibility.
I just saw the nastiest chick.
Where?
woke up next to her... fuck you jack daniels, fuck you
I can't wait to get all this Makers out of my shoe.
Dude how the fuck are we gonna get the lawnmower outta the pool?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Well.. considering he unknowingly dated a prostitute, I consider myself the winner in that break up.
You are softly singing to the wall while slow dancing with it. I feel as though you should discontinue this behavior.
She pulled up to the bar in a limo, wasted, and alone. Gets out, shrugs and slurs "I couldn't find a cab" and proceeds to take a shot.
I'm in love.
I guess I can give it a shot. I usually just get belligerently drunk and go where my penis and feet lead me. No fights or getting too lost, so they seem to be doing a good job
I feel like satan and death had a baby that took a shit that replaced my brain.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You are lucky that I'm drunk. Otherwise I would bone you into another universe
Do you really want to know anything about the inner machinations of a furry's mind
We just did a u turn on the highway to settle a dispute in a game of slug bug
Well Jon got a DUI sleeping in the back seat so I thought the trunk was safer. BUT WHO CARES WHY JUSE PLEASE COME LET ME OUT!
That ass isn’t going to eat itself.
First aid class means get dry humped by moderately attractive college students during heimlich maneuver training.
Randomize