Potential corruption. He's 19.
Get them while they're young!
four days late. damn you, makeup sex. you win again.
I caved and texted him. But it's strictly drug dealing business so it doesn't count.
I was giving him a blow job in the kitchen, but it was uncomfortable. so i took the oven mitts and used them as knee pads.
Don't tell me i'm not fucking resourceful.
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my sombrero is too big for the bathroom
So he told me he wanted to fertilize my caviar. Im avoiding all foreign exchange students from now on.
you can't wake me up at 4am to suck your dick and then give me a high five at the bar
we got kicked out of McDonald's because you kept screaming THAT SHIT CRAY at the woman in front of us because she ordered a fish filet.
...that shit cray.
Between the uncertainly of my bowels today, and the distance the bar is to my house, remember I am doing this for you and our mutual appreciation of alcoholism.
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There a special place in hell for drunk criers. A special FUCKING PLACE
Evidently I placed three booty calls at the same time...it was an ugly scene. I'm never getting that high again.
Now that you have a boyfriend, can I have my vibrator back?
I'm pretty sure the rest of my evening will consist of masturbating, drinking tequila and watching children's movies.
Also, next time I go get a wax, I'm gonna ask the girl about the innie to outie ratio she sees on the daily.
Found this cake smashed up inside a box on the sidewalk. Im saying yes to adventure and eating some.
Taking a nap. Sidewalk cake kicked my ass. It had boston creme filling!
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