he thought he was parachuting out of a plane... talk about a bad trip.
don't ever try to run hungover. just puked mid-run in front of an old couple that were going for a walk. they were horrified.
The only reason we got away with streaking last time was cuz we had those miner hats
After you verbally abused the McDonalds employee for not making your fries fast enough, the fact that you woke up on a random lawn does not surprise me.
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He acted like he was sleep fucking because I woke up to him screwing me in the middle of the night and he had is eyes closed and was mumbling things the whole time and wouldn't respond to me.
Is that even possible?
I called him by the wrong name to test him and he instantly stopped, rolled over and acted like he was still sleeping...I think he might break up with me tomorrow.
I just walked in on my sixteen year old sister soaking her tampon in vodka. I go to Berkeley. And they think she's the good daughter.
You don't have a wife, you don't have a dog, and you need a new bong. Don't make this any worse than that.
Caprisun cuts tequila surprisingly well...
Just got a 15 minute lecture from a drag queen about how bisexuality doesn't exist. Cher would be so disappointed in her.
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I just watched my ex butt chug a quart of eggnog. Why did I dump her again?
I'm never going out with the ashleys again. it was whoreible. terrifyingly whoreible.
we will now reference it as "the infamous double dick night"
We were trying to organize all the customers to hold a window pickle race. as of 10:37 pm last night we are no longer allowed in our McDonalds.
So you're willing to shred any respect that you had for your body on some random chick who's only looking for sex? That's the worst thing I've ever heard.
I mean, it won't be 100% meaningless, I know her middle name.
We could just go to Vegas and celebrate my singlehood and not contributing to the population.
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