Dude! wtf happend last nite? I woke up with 2 black eyes and a head ache
You stepped off the curb and face planted the road...twice
Why didnt you hold me up....and why a second time?
I helped you up but figured it was wayy funnier to watch you fall again then lose my buzz....
im never drinking mad dog again and i have your belt.
Plan A DEFINITELY worked... Go with me to get Plan B??
Just realized our kids will one day call us old because we were around when texting came about. I'm sad.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The walk of shame is far, far worse on crutches.
he just found out his girl is having a boy. he's probably googling "Ed Hardy diapers" as we speak.
her underwear stopped being sexy when i saw her pubes sticking out of the top.
Fuck winter. I had to scrape my windshield, shoeless, after the walk of shame so I could go home.
I'm pretty sure there was a language barrier but he knew what "harder" meant.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i still can't believe we survived that barcrawl. the third bar had bullet holes and we still went in.
Dylan just paid 30 bucks to have himself wrapped in the clear plastic they wrap luggage in at the airport. Bring scissors.
He told me that his favorite part about me is hearing my voice while we fuck. I think that was the nicest thing he has EVER said to me.
You left wolverine marks
I'm somewhere between sorry and proud
A warmed up burrito and jelly beans. The breakfast of champions.
You attempted what you called the "Long Island Heist", in which you shoved a half glass of Long Island down your pants and asked me to help you sneak it out. That drunk.
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