Practice the "sorry I may have given you herpes" conversation with me before I call him and break the news
The only thing I can remember you saying is "I won't cut pizza like this when I'm older."
Just got blown on the bus in front of abot 20 ppl. Lots of high fives.
Pretty certain he passed out for a while going down on me. Absolutely certain he passed out during the blow job.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Yeah, the furnace guy just pulled out 4 empty and 1 full beer bottle from the vent. You are no longer allowed over.
I woke up with a fake mustache stuck to my chest and I can't even hold down water.
Totally clawed myself in the face during sex. I can die happy?
you got coffee,laid,and a sandwich. that never happens when I work
ATTENTION PENIS' OF BURLINGTON: I AM COMING FOR YOU
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You know if we weren't hooking up I think we'd actually be friends
The cop looked me right in the eye and apologized for cock blocking me.
Moral of the story: fuckboys never change
Probably going to live on vodka sodas and fireball shots
I mean we all knew i was gonna get arrested eventually but shoplifting is lame so dont tell anyone. Well just let them assume public nudity or something
Tomorrow's lesson plan is going to be on hangovers and why drinking during the week is never a good idea. I hope my boss approves.
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