Your vagina is a self cleaning oven.
based on who turned up here tonight the whole evening should just be called "mistakes i made when i was fat"
tonight lets celebrate not being married
he turned down sex AND sandwiches. who the hell does that?!
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Just so you know, if you are not feeling well today it's cause you drank a gatorade bottle full of highlighter fluid.
Hypothetically speaking, what is the proper response if one gets bitten by a most likely not rabid squirrel? Hypothetically.
Well. Turns up no one actually knows who that kid was. Came in, said happy fathers day, chilled for a while, then left.
Whiskey and an unstable home life is apparently the fountain that 20-something boys like to drink from.
Just had a talk about safe sex with my mom. Not about protection. About the very real possibility of a "penile fracture". Gotta love having a nurse for a mother.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Remember that time you gave me a fat lip with your vag? We should do that again!
I want a bottle of whiskey to be dropped at my doorstep like a stork drops babies when they are delivered to their parents.
God what have you done to be that much in need of alcohol.
Me WANTS my preciousssssssssss
is there a line between daddy kink and oedipus complex?
All I'm saying is that if he knows his wife walks around naked during the day, he shouldn't bring a friend home for lunch and show up unannounced.
He put his SoundCloud on his Tinder bio. I felt personally attacked.
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
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