just fell over trying to sit on the toliet like a robot.
He booked his flight from Dallas already, no ticket to the game, said hes gonna bang some girl at tailgait to get a ticket, I had to explain that it will be sub 20 degrees F during tailgate, he decided to come in july instead, Texans are dumb.
You were competing with my dog to see who had the stronger bark....
There is ecstasy everywhere. Get over here right no5w. The 5 is silent.
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Its not personal, its just business. I'm the Donald Trump of blowjobs.
I have an explanation for how we got this drunk this fast... but you wont like it. We are officially in complete liver failure.
I can't break up with him, I ran the math. Taking into account his 7 inch penis and the standard deviation from average, almost 90% of guys should have a smaller penis than he does.
Really? Penis math? This is why guys shouldn't date female engineers.
you know, this Evan Williams whiskey isn't so bad when it's watered down a bit and you're home by yourself on a Saturday listening to Snoop Dog alone in your apartment without pants or any plans for your future...
This is just what we do. We meet guys, go back to their place, smoke all their weed & go home to compete in out own version of Cupcake Wars.
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omg i just made best friends with a deer. Im like the drunk santa clause.
Yup. Can I borrow your penis decanter for my Xmas party on Saturday
You can't just leave with hair like that
Fuck I am so excited for the first time I can make someone call me Doctor Nikki during sex after I finish my PhD
Just beer bonged through a snorkel, add that to the list
don't take this the wrong way, but I'm not drunk but I need you to take me to the ER and you're the most likely to not be drunk now.
Randomize