I thought you should know that you passed out in your trash can last night.
Thanks for throwing up on me.
walk of shame with early morning football tailgaters. niice.
Its like a 4.5 hour drive but there's drinking involved so I'm destined to go
Some great men died of syphilis. I accept your compliment.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dental hygienist just pulled two flakes of glitter out. And asked me how i've been doing with the divorce.
Remember the girl passed out in front of my fireplace?
i feel like the wall was a canvas for his penis.
You blacked out and then went around stealing other peoples phones and leaving yourself voicemails
I got two from random numbers, the first was me and said "Don't forget you murdered Josh in Wii Bowling"
The second Jenn said "You are ridiculously smart for drunk dialing yourself"
Drunk enough that you donated $50 to taco bell, because they serve a great purpose.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
This stupid maranara sauce stain sucks. It keeps distracting me and it looks like I'm staring at my tits.
I literally just skipped to the fridge when I realized we had enough vodka left to get day drunk
I have 3 bottles of vodka in my room telling me not to go to work tomorrow.
Homeboy just asked me to strip for him. He should not be this horny and allowed to be in Vegas with his kid.
You know you have a good math teacher when we're talkIng about mixture problems and no one gets it until he explains it by talking about mixing alcohol
he said to "slap him" after he guessed the time correctly. i did.
Randomize