god damn woman. you are like the herpes of drunk texting. you never go away.
I just saw an old lady yelling at a dead pigeon for leaving the oven on.
Seriously. My exes act like they own shares of my vagina.
Well, in their defense, they have invested a lot of time and money
Your remote is drenched in lotion and you expect me to believe you weren't masturbating?!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My dinner was lean cuisine and tequila. Aaaaaand I need a boyfriend.
Quite frankly, I consider the fact that I'm NOT pregnant one of my greatest achievements and I'd like to chronicle that ongoing success. I'm going to post pictures of me at "0 weeks" once a week.
We are there now. They have a giant cock and balls with an eagles face and wings.
Ok everyone, the frat server is slow because of the 11 TB of porn on there. Either clean out your partition by Sunday or it will be erased. Thanks for your help.
wanna mail me your GoPro for St.Patties and I'll mail it back to you coverend in puke?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just quit my job so I could get dick this weekend. I'm pretty sure my need for dick is much more important than the customers' needs.
This is my college life. Rolling at 4PM on a Wednesday to skrillex in the parking lot of a mexican restaurant.
So, my love of dick may have landed me in a cult. On the bright side, I now have a discount at Spencer's.
Never in a million years thought I would have to put jello shot recipe/equation into an excel spreadsheet
I've never seen so much of my blood outside me. After the initial shock it was kind of cool.
*jedi mind trick* you want to go down on me
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