I just used my 7th grade year book to figure out who I hooked up with last night. Being home is magical.
is it too early in the day to continue our conversation about penis shapes?
Just had a dream about an abnormally large bottle of tequila. No more depressed drinking for me.
it's a "shave your legs in the cvs bathroom" kind of night
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I threw up in the bar parking lot and yelled THIS IS MY FUTURE.
Hey.. Here's a thought for the evening. There's only two more sleeps until I fuck you so hard my back teeth will convulse.. Here's too Tuesday! Woohooooo
He said, "cum on daddy's dick!" ... I pictured my dad. That just scarred me for life.
I heard moaning and ass slapping and sponge bob.
He called us the '3 Amigos' and told us if hos ex wife came we had to jump the porch railing and hide in the bushes.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just gave parenting advice and had a discussion about the distribution of wealth in america...in a bar. I'm starting to think its me and not you lol
I mean, on what planet are nipples suppose to look like that?
Just fucked up my mustache shaving, gonna have to take it off because now it makes me look like a pedophile
FYI your old mustache made you look like a pedophile
Are you coming down for 4/20 or does Easter kinda fuck that up for you?
I tried to get more sleep but the universe decided I needed a drunken freshman instead
You are allergic to dogs. DO NOT kidnap something you are allergic to. No matter how fluffy.
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