You know, Peter Parker would not have been nearly as cool if he had gotten bitten by an ant.
She was running around the bar, demanding everyone call her Jesus or else she would attack them like a llama. ack.
there was a trapeze. enough said
Well, for starters you dressed up in all Green and kept singing that song from "A Goofy Movie". Then you made us call you Powerline for the rest of the night...needless to say no, you didn't hook up with her
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Her gay brother kept hitting on me and cockblocking me. Don't even begin to tell me how bad your night was.
she laid there and continued moaning loudly for like 10 minutes after we were done, just so that her mom would be jealous
She called me her guardian angel after I picked her phone up from the river of pee coming from her front porch.
I have nothing to lose. And a bunch of dick to gain.
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Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So apparently I ended up throwing my clothes in the toilet after getting kicked out of TQ and ran around the neighborhood in my boxers. Works gonna suck hard once this hangover kicks in. Also: I lost a shoe so looks like flipflops for the rest of winter
That's the fall semester you first snorted drugs off my ass I think
I woke up last night a kitchen floor with my shirt off and I love America written on my leg in eye liner
its the first football sunday and my boyfriend isn't excited. this isn't gonna last unless he makes me snacks and brings me beer during the game.
I can feel your judgement through the phone
that is our friendship pylon, do not lose it
fuck you.
DO NOT LOSE IT
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