I just farted so loud that my cat got so scared he fell off the couch.
some kid came into the principals office and tried to explain what he was sent there for through interpretive dance.
at a party and just made O-H-I-O out of dicks and vajayjays...i hope someone took a pic i was too busy (; GO BUCKS!!!
the girl next to me in class is drinking a margarita out of a slurpee cup. i know your going to ask how i know its a margarita and the answer is i can smell the tequila. i never want to leave this place
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Haha, you kept saying the cop was going to give you a ride home b/c "that's his job, it's summer."
He ate me out. IN THE MORNING. I love less attractive men.
It's going to be so weird waking up tomorrow morning fully rested completely sober and not covered in piss or bruises.
I messaged him asking for his address. He replied with the address then said, "If you're gonna stalk me, I'm the third window on the side and usually get naked around 8am and anytime randomly after 6pm (listen for music).. If you're sending anthrax, I'm 6'2" 225lbs so send a good amount."
My night was too much. My morning is even more. Help. I need to teleport the fuck out of here.
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It's okay I missed my booty call by two whole minutes so I decided to delete him from my phone and then re-add him as "I am a douchelord"
It's becoming clear to me that I am not sugar baby material. I don't think I could handle old balls long term.
I had to give myself a suppository. That was the LEAST fun I've had inserting things in my ass.
He stole my heart. I stole his identity.
But I don't see you as the jesus riding a dinosaur with a machine gun type of guy
Who put my cat in the fridge?
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