pretty sure i remember announcing that i lost my virginity to that brad paisley song when it came on during power hour?
He ate me out and then left in a hurry and shouted "Sorry to dine and dash" as he left my house
just found $310, wrapped in a rubber band, at the bottom of my sock drawer with a note attached stating, "Make it rain".
She just drank the vanilla extract. Again. AGAIN. No one should be that eager to get drunk.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I need to make a 'no kissing' rule for my casual hookups during cold season...this cold is so not worth it.
Lightning struck the tree right outside of her window as I came inside her. I think its God's way of saying go by plan b.
I just finished deleting miscellaneous contacts from my phone ... time for a HIV test!
You stole my crutches last night at the bar, the DJ had to ask for them to be returned
He's wearing my bra and eating a breadstick while jumping on our bed.....
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Nah it's alright, I'll just ride cock all the way to hell
Never start off a conversation with "speaking of STD's..."
I take it you're alive?
Mostly. Can't quite control my arms.
Your face; I've seen enough of it for today. Go away now please.
Do you remember seeing anyone put a "my other penis is a vagina" bumper sticker on my car?
The dog destroyed my vibrator and swallowed several pieces. Vet gave us a laxative so now I’m checking lots of dog shit and having no orgasms. Plus the cute vet knows I don’t get enough dick, so that’s just great
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