im going to pretend im pregnant so i can eat a lot then i will accidentally fall down the stairs
My 3rd grade teacher, who was also my fav, thought i was in prison. That seriously upsets me.
I have some memory of taking a dump in a guitar case.
surgery went fine. i cant breath out of my right nostril though. lets not eat peas anymore when we are drunk.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So apparently the christmas orgy was a complete disaster
some asshole was waslkibg around with ab electric razor and shaving parts of peoples heads.
He's only going to be gone for two weeks
That's two months in gay whore years.
The claw marks on my back are healing nicely. Just thought you should know.
My bad. Next time I'll wear mittens.
She said she is going to be sex-slave version of Princess Leia for halloween. You think there is any way I could pull off an attractive Jabba suit?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Have you considered sword swallowing? Something about that bj tells me you could make a it a career.
I have a hickey in my new work ID photo.....
I got the security footage. Thank you boobies!
Hate my fucking roommates.... Seriously, who the FUCK peels potatoes in the bathroom sink?!
what a classic moment of my life. A buffet of taco bell and a taser gun.
dont know what thebfuxk is in rhat shit, but dont lemme have antmore
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