friends don't let friends hook up with gingers.
I would really like to get high with Bill Nye. I'm being dead serious. Every step I take is literally a step I take because it will take me closer to Science Guy high.
We could get him to build Inspector Gadget.
I didn't know you were high TOOOO!!!
Every one of her profile pictures looks like an ad for American Apparel. Of course she has syphilis.
stumble upon led me to how to make wine in prison, followed by wedding dresses. it knows my life too well
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Totally just grabbed the wrong dick. Damn this tequila.
You seemed more interested in the queso dip than you were in the hand job
being able to look good while almost puking is a skill that takes a lot of puking to develop.
You threw up with your ski mask on still.
Let me shower first- i smell like sex and rock climbing (not so sure how that happened)
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i just stole a 8 pack of olde english 40s and 2 roles of duct tape. we are going to make edward proud tonight.
I'll always remember 2012 as the year I hooked up with countless girls who had the sides of their heads shaved.
The lady at the Humaine Society gave me her nephew's number because I seem like a loving and caring person.
Does she know that each time you've adopted a new cat in the past year it's because some guy stopped fucking you and you don't want to eat your feelings?
Burnt my boob on a piece of hot waffle at work today..I feel like thats a new low point in my career..
I was grinding on my boss last night. So Monday will be fun. That's what's going on in my life right now.
The cop asked me why my pants were around my knees when he woke me from the sink, i replied "Officer, my underwear is still on, nothing bad happened" then he nodded in acknowledgement and we carried on with the paper work.
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