My face smells like last night's lay. I need a whore bath. Or a corndog.
dude so we were eating nacho cheese popcorn and chasing it with cole slaw
by the way nacho cheese popcorn is me making popcorn and then adding milk butter and mac n cheese mix
I sold 10 pepperonis for 5 dollars last night....i fucking love drunk people
Hey I never found my wallet but i did find a bag of 14 soft taco supremes
I have your wallet. Trade you for the tacos.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Houston, we have a squirter
I don't even know where to begin....there's queso sauce and public hair stuck to everything
Because selling drugs to kids never goes out of business. We get older, they stay the same stupid.
Well, I found my bra. It's in my glove compartment with a half-eaten Snickers bar and a Jesus bookmark.
I think I want to impress his gay best friend more than him..
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm calling in my "fuck at anytime anywhere" card. Meet me at my place in 20 min, wear your Waldo costume.
His water bottle is sitting on my coffee table like a monolith dedicated to the things he is not doing to my vagina.
Who gives a hand job to a 19 yr old one night then the next lets a 31 year old random man fly a plane to town and pick u up and take u to dinner?
I'll give you some choices for what to get me for Christmas. 1.You naked. 2.You naked 3.You naked.
where did we go last night? there's dollar bills all over my room & they're all wet.
Why do all my exes just become Tom Hanks in Castaway?
That's a fantastic question. And an odd set of criteria to meet if wanting to date you.
Randomize