I least I know I can't get pregnant because it's on my hair
My cousin just asked what abortion is. Happy Holidays.
and ill be dreaming of you. not in a creepy way, but in an inappropriate way
We walked in and they were fucking to Somewhere Over the Rainbow... I need a new roommate.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I went to the gas station and the lady goes I remember you. Broken sunglasses and puke on your car.
Taking shot for every red box on your worst bracket. I have 30. I might die tonight.
The sales associate looked at me funny for wobbling in the heels i was trying on until i told her i was trying to see how well i'd be able to drunk walk in these tonight
And then I passed out in my towel and was woken up by my roommate introducing me to her trick for the night.
Unfortunately hes not a hipster douchebag with no life goals, so naturally I'm not interested.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
After much deliberatipn and vodka, my favourite phrase of Christmas 2012 is "penis of last resort"
I don't know if I want context or not...
Context involves faux incest and champagne. Id go into detail but im on shot number 5.
Haha its fine we ask know it. He's still cool thought
Focus on the keyboard man. Focusssss
Almost caused a huge accident on the highway because I was distracted by how orange the road barrels were
I just sugar scrubbed my vagina. If I don't get laid tonight, me and the universe are gonna have some problems.
Ewe he just snapped me a pic of his butt crack.. Should I be concerned?
The dog peed on the neighbors baby Jesus. No wonder she thinks we're the devil.
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