thats what you get for writing a paper after liquor pitchers
its only a rough draft.
Look dude I'm sorry I used your bong to snorkel in my bathtub last night
I'm making presurgery martini's. You need to be here.
This is God's way of telling me He loves me and wants me to be a cocktease.
Go forth my daughter and give blue balls to all who may gaze upon your tits.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Traveling before 21 and traveling after 21 are two different things. There's a whole nother world of red white and blue weird out there
I'm 11 for 13 getting drunker than the person who's birthday it is
Yes, he did use his cock to direct traffic from my 3rd story window. That's why I love him
Side note... I would pay good money to have witnessed the reaction of onlookers as I sprinted down Armtiage with a 15 lb bag of peanuts under my arm
So it's national ass day?! I love October. No bra last Saturday and now ass day. This is my month. God is dedicating this October to me!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Posting happy birthday to my grandpa on Facebook.... Then realizing my profile pic is me dressed as a slutty cop when he used to be a police officer.
Go forth my little lesbian, get your gayme on
he puked in the sink and didnt turn off the water before he passed out on the bathroom floor. its been 2 hrs and we finally noticed that the whole fucking house is flooded. to hell with this birthday party
I woke up today in my boxers hugging a log and realized that I think I've gotten close enough to nature. I really need to stop doing shrooms with you
Drunkenly making hamburger helper. I just whispered "I can't wait to have you in my mouth."
I woke up an hour ago with orange fingers and a condom stuck to my head.. Wtf just happened?
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