Come to the Burger King. We're waiting for you.
And then you gave the bride a high five and said "Go forth and Consummate."
Umm I need a rain check. Long story short is I have scabies. Research it if you want. I'll tell you everything another time soon, I promise.
she wouldn't stop crying, so we sang her to sleep. i'm guessing you will find her in the same position by the toilet in the morning. night.
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The sex was so good I went temporarily numb. Slightly embarrassing when she pointed out I was kissing my own arm.
He walked into the bar right as I was licking the shotglass clean. We made eye contact for way too long..
He pulled a bucket of fried chicken out of his backpack as a peace offering. Under the chicken was a rainbow bag of weed. We're dating again.
I feel like the universe head butted me in my balls. That hungover.
.... My lady balls. Cuz I'm a lady.
If God invented something better than rough, drunken, lesbian sex he kept that shit to himself.
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Trying to Jedi mind trick myself into not throwing up. This is not the esophagus you are looking for.
My entire news feed is ice bucket challenges. I wish there was a hide from feed button like FarmVille
If my vagina were a person, it just ran a marathon.
I'm telling you, this vagina is really making the rounds lately...
Someone who makes you cum so hard that you have an asthma attack is clearly your soulmate
He lives 20 minutes away driving distance and decided to walk. I talked to him today and he took a nap along the way... In a cemetery.
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