So this snow storm is NOT helpin my masturbation problem
If fate has that penis in my future.....I'm down.
There is a woman in the bar breastfeeding a baby. Doing shots. Gotta love maryland Applebees.
Woke up with a migrane, threw up blood, then my headache went away. I'm going to convince myself that it was just a bad batch of blood so I can drink again tonight
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Bath mats should not be used at mops. they don't work. consider this a drunk psa
he stopped talking to me after i tried to use his body as a surf board
Idk if you've ever had the pleasure of 1. Vomiting on a sidewalk - at 3 in the afternoon 2. Vomiting nachos or 3. Vomiting nachos out of your nose but really I do not advise any of the above.
Finally hooked up w/ that yoga instructor chick. Got a little more than I expected. Like a full on bush more than I expected. How do you tell a girl that her bush scares you?
Ahh you know it's going to be a long day when you mistake a beer for a sprite at 10:30 in the morning while babysitting
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I thought he was having it in Athens. Alright. Have fun. Please save my dignity and refrain from talking about my boobs and sexual "abilities". If I have any. I just feel like they are going to ask. Repeat after me. And repeat it 5 more times. This is going to be the phrase you're going to rely on tonight: "I can neither deny or confirm such actions."
wow. there is a man who hates the post office more than me. he is causing a scene, this is a snapshot of elderly me.
Only you would have a vasectomy while you're awake and report on the soundtrack first
He Dutch ovened me while I was hiding under the covers from his mom. Needless to say it did not end well.
I need to get off of her emotional roller coaster. I've been on it for a fucking year and I've been throwing up the entire time.
So far in 2016 I told someone id give them a blowjob for lasagna.
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