So I called her out for all the gossip she does and she's like "you do the same, bitch"
So I was like "Im classy like the Countess, youre just a bitch like Kim."
Kudos on the Interstate Housewife metaphor.
My boyfriend texted me as I was texting some random hookup from last night. His text: "Morning baby" My response: "Your cum is in my hair"
We've only been driving for two hours and I'm already down 3 vicodin...I'm not going to survive this family vacation.
Driving around Panama at 7 am looking for an open liquor store..
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Only thing I know is apparently I danced with a bouncer and we got a ride back from a valet who was driving one of the cars he was supposed to be parking
Like I said I'm looking on the bright side. The bright side just happens to be filled with penis attached to hot marines
A guy is going to be inside me and I'm gunna start singing "I am stuck on your penis, cause your penis is stuck in meeee!"
I'm not even mad. I was just trying to get a boner, you're the one that had to see that
I am pretty sure I just put SoCo in the bird feeder
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There. Isnt. A. Single. Person. Who. Is. Not. High. At. Church.
i just realized... if i ever hook up with someone on my bed, we'll be fucking atop my animated batman themed bedset.
No dude. I can't think of anything LESS sexy than yodeling
You're wasting your dick. It needs to be bestowed upon the masses.
At 10 PM you were shit faced in the kitchen makin nachos... Naked. I wasn't sure what to do besides walk away...
As your boyfriend, I'm gonna congratulate you on winning that fist fight. But as a cop, I have to tell you to not do that again.
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