Holy wow, I found all the old poems u wrote me back when we were in looooooooove...just sort of wild to look back on, thought u'd like that
no homo or anything but the way you were dancing with that girl gave me a boner
So many lesbians keep hitting on me. I'm about to give up and just go home with the manliest one.
We got really high and decided it would be a good idea to wash towels in the dishwasher. I left before I could see the final result.
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We almost forgot to tip the maids, so we left the rest of the gin, some tonic water and a lime. They earned it
I offered to buy ihop waffles for all the homeless people outside the metro. It was time to go to bed.
Santa brought me a 1.75 of wine, and a liter of patron. I probably won't remember Christmas, so don't ask me how it was tomorrow.
Found out it was only pneumonia. We celebrated hydrocodone cough syrup. Two long island ice teas at lunch and the random white powder we found in her purse. Mother of the year award.
Are you sure you didn't shit in my back yard?
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Last night you said you were going to stop drinking and then proceeded to dip cookies in your vodka.
Sadly that explains a lot.
Alls I wanted was a fun New Years but I end up fingering a geico sales representative on a futon and giving her a ride to work the next morning
i asked him to talk to me in french while we fucked and halfway through i caught the word 'lasagna'. turns out he was making his grocery list.....i asked him to keep going.
Ya apperently its not "appropriate" to fuck in the school auditorium
I got a lap dance last night from a girl while I was wearing a Captian America onsie. My life does not suck.
Just used the word fistfucking in a serious conversation with my professor in front of the class, while making an appropriate and valid point. Win.
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