im as drunk as the barefoot contessa. GET TO MY LEVEL
dude. stop pregaming the food network.
I have to start avoiding pregnant women. This is getting out of hand.
non applicator tampons are so hard to put in when your drunk. i fingered myself for 10 minutes and forgot what i was trying to do.
can i drink enough to forget this semester even happened?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dude totally calling you out on watching when harry met sally on netflix on demand on april 8th.
You may or may not have poured bacon fat down her shirt
Holy christ fuck what has my trainwreck of a life come to just blew a 17 year old so help me god
Just start grabbing cocks. It can't go wrong! Just say you thought you knew him and wanted to check.
There's a mechanical bull in the basement dude where are you
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I fill condoms, not promises.
Moral of the story: I had sex to Back to the Future last night.
I have a hickey in my new work ID photo.....
Just took an Adderall with Pedialyte so I think that's a valid answer to "how are you doing"
why is there a dog in my house with your initials shaved in it's fur?
dude, i just woke up in a house i've never seen. i have bigger problems
I don't want to date him...I just want him to cheat on his girlfriend with me.
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