I just accidently sent my poop smells like vodka to 27 people in my phone book
don't worry, i have a range rover and a brother hopped up on steroids.. we can solve this little misunderstanding quite easily.
You did not just nickname me "Nipples".
totally watching dr. phil and getting eaten out right now. be jealous.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It was so good the neighbors even had a cigarette.
You broke into someone's house and stole a pan of lasagna.
Yea it's a sex scar. But if anyone asks I tripped up carpeted stairs
You just kept shouting "I AM AN ADULT!" until he agreed to carry you home on his shoulders.
I've found my spirit animal. I'm a Snapple bottle. If you take my top off I'll tell you a fact about science.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Eating a TV dinner and watching Goosebumps on Netflix, the sad, sad title of my autobiography.
Make sure you plan your visit for October. That's ACL festival, it's like every Bro in the country converges on Austin. My vagina wants to go hunting.
what's your room number? I've never been there sober...
Also a shrinking boner emoji would be helpful
you got into a really intense arguement about protecting bees. it was wierdly arousing.
My new dentist just kinda stared at me when I told him that I used to have partial dentures after breaking 2 teeth while beating the shit out of someone, until I puked them into the toilet and flushed them after getting high and making myself undercooked mac and cheese.
Randomize