I'm just that much of a man that I can watch Ellen and Oprah back to back and still like girls.
I tried to tell him it was only 2:00, but he said since it was 5:00 in New York, it was perfectly acceptable. He then put on a Blues Brothers hat and a pair of wayfarers and left. I expect him home in a few hours with a police escort.
Ur keys r in ur purse. ur purse is on the couch. ur cigs r on ur front seat. u drank all ur wine. mollie took ur jkt bc u cockblocked her. and in case anyone asks, the saints won 31-17.
look what he's done to me, i actually want to be a stripper now.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If she wants to think that freshman 15 means sleeping with 15 guys than so be it I just gotta make sure I'm one of them.
He called my vagina a rainforest. This is coming from a guy whose pubes are longer than his dick.
I know. My only sports are biking to buy drugs and running from the police.
They turned motor-boating me into some kind of sick game
How many people slept in the bouncy castle last night?
4 guys, 1 girl. Pretty sure were gonna have to pay the cleaning fee
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I told her I wanted to use him as a chew toy while simultaneously licking his face.
Did she tell him? And if so, was he cool with it? If yes, date him, date the fuck outta him.
Holy. Fuck. This mans mouth is magical. I love married men. I don't have to teach them.
You need to somehow incorporate the phrase "these hoes ain't loyal" into your best man speech.
I have to make calls today at work. So I'm gonna call your phone and leave some random messages. Just delete them.
i now regret my decision on turning down your offer of sex in the backseat
I had to break up with her. She was sending me study schedules and recipes for vegan lasagna. I’m just trying to survive man
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