I just used an app to identify a song that was playing in the background of a porno. May god bless your soul steve jobs.
I don't know how, but he made a bong out of a hamster wheel. To say I am impressed is an understatement.
No, that was the night I was sneezing out barf
It's not slutty if it's for workout purposes...right?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
only thing in my fruit bowl is 4 champagne corks and a jenga piece . Tuesday.
You know you're sufficiently drunk when the 411 dude just says, "Fuck it! I'll Google that shit for you, what movie do you want to see?" and proceeds to give you showtimes for 3 different theatres.
I used to put Bugles on my penis and pretend it was a wizard.
In the middle of our bar crawl last night we stopped to pet dogs at a dog park. who would let a drunk person bet play with their dog???
In honor of Dennis Farina dying, I'm offering up free mustache rides...2 takers so far.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It took years to build this empire of casual fuckings and not carings.
After the day I've had, I can't decide if donuts or fireball would be the appropriate priority.
You can't just say "I scored us a potential threesome" and then not text me back.
We walked 3 miles to the strip club. Stopped for roadies, it wasn't that bad.
I promise I won't bug you anymore, I just need the following things at your convenience but preferably soon: my earrings, cup, and panties. Thanks. Good talk.
Hot or not, she’s from Boston. It’s hard to nut when she sounds like Mark Wahlberg
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