Of course im so fucked up sarah. I fight away tornadoes.
so i replaced his speed with my ped egg shaveings
dont u have athletes foot?
my friend asked What a UTI was in front of everyone, letts just say his girlfriend was a lil pissed
You insisted I take photos of you vomiting off the top of the tree.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You're not invited to the wedding. They don't want you starting a "who's fucked the bride the most" contest.
Is it sad I don't want to go buy $1 Mac-n-cheese cause I need to pay rent... I'm re-naming this college.
Also, peanut butter on a spoon dinner is back in existence and it is good.
The blackout version of me left a ransom note to the sober self. Somebody needs to control that guy
It seems that only way I've actually improved myself after 2 years of writing for the school newspaper is that I've mastered the art of descriptive words to improve my sexting skills
I came back to consciousness and found myself sitting in a beanbag chair petting a 2 month old husky with one hand and eating an oreo Klondike bar with the other. This almost makes me forgive blackout lisa for making out with that chubbs at the xmas party
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The only reason I can fathom that you've been able to continue to date new people this long is that women continue to become of age each year, and the younger ones don't know any better.
The only people in the library at 5:00 on the friday after finals are homeless or pre-med.
I'm not winning any crowns in the Miss Emotionally Stable pageant either...
I have 2 voicemails from u last night. one of them is just 5 min of u saying "doodling"...
He is in my tree wearing full on scuba gear ... Get here asap.
Why would I want a relationship when I’m the side dick for my boss and a few women from the gym
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