He looks like Jesus, if Jesus had let himself go.
theyre doing shots to celebrate her boob jobs anniversary.
You were so drunk that some guy dressed as Harry Potter pointed his wand at you and screamed "Accio SHITSHOW"
You weren't lying about those ceramics students giving the best hand jobs.
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After we finished he asked if I knew if it was a boy or girl. Diet. Starts. Now.
I feel I need to conquer him. He's six ft eight and 265lbs. Its like the mount Everest of sex.
He was a bulldog and my face was like rare meat. Never again with the drunken ones.
Why do you think she gets more guys?
well her prof pic is her in her bedroom looking hot and mine is me looking terrified while holding a giant spider at 6 flags, so there's that
Taco trucks are like ice cream trucks for drunk adults. They should have a mariachi tune they play super loud to bring people out of the bars for tacos.
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I'm still confused. So he's NOT your cousin by blood, but WAS your cousin, on two separate occasions, by marriage? Still too weird I think...
That's true because who the fuck doesn't love Harry Potter and beer
Have you ever been so drunk you pass out in the cab and everyone goes inside and forgets about you? I have
I had to fake it. He was punching my vagina like it owed him money and enough was enough.
rowboat hit a rock. taking on water. going down fast. bring cheerios.
aye aye capn
We had a pink drink in honor of my underwear and apparently I made out with our bartender... a few times
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