you should have heard her the other night. no sentence related to one preceding it. it was like she was in etch a sketch and when she moved she forgot everythin
i actually just woke up with a lampshade on my head. god damn cliches.
I don't think I have ever been told that I am "probably too drunk to pet the stingrays" by a cop before.
i lose more brain cells when ever she opens her mouth then i would doing meth for 8 years of my life.
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I don't have a choice really. It's either lose 15 lbs by Halloween, or I'm going as a giant banana.
i don't think my dad can get all that mad since he got arrested for almost exactly the same thing last weekend
If you go to the bathroom don't ask why there's diet coke on the toilet. Loller copter. Blow is fun.
The sex was so good I went temporarily numb. Slightly embarrassing when she pointed out I was kissing my own arm.
He challenged me to a drink off, I couldn't just say no. It was a matter of pride really.
And as he was cursing your name from the bathroom you were ordering yourself another drink on his tab. The poor bastard had no clue you were a pro drunk
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It was rough. I have dried puke in my hair and I don't know if it's mine or from the girl I met on the ground waiting for a cab.
last night i reached the point where my boob implants paid for themselves in free drinks. to celebrate lets go out and get more free drinks tonite.
you told me your favorite colors were "pink" "no pants" and "Mexican food"
We broke into the kitchen, stole cooking aprons, and wore them on the dance floor.
STOP HOOKING UP WITH SOCCER MOMS! YOU ARE RUINING MY REPUTATION!
So, I almost went hone with a French guy and a drag queen. Together. Then I became sober enough to realize, that's not my style.
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