Kicked off drink for Jesus month by puking in my mouth while talking to my priest...real cool
a kid in a transformers shirt tried to pick me up last night at work. he also rolled up on a bicycle, the kind with pedals. do i look that easy?
my roomate judo was messing around with a girl who recently had a kid, when he was sucking her tits milk came out lmao
out of nowhere you said let us see your boobs, then proceeded to pull my shirt down.
i gets down
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I really wanna talk..
if by talk you mean have nasty makeup sex involving marshmellow fluff.. I'm down
He told me he finished so fast because he's a sprinter. I hate athletes who are really just pussies.
What happened to "I wouldnt even touch her with a ten foot pole"?
Her vagina devoured it.
You need a Jiminy Cricket, but for sexual decisions.
I shouldn't be that hard, but i cant exactly put "a guy to tie me up and fuck me and then brush my hair" in my dating profile
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Also, I found your gauge.
I found it under my pillow like a gift from the Sex Fairy.
Next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
I just want to braid flowers into his hair and steal all of his pills.
The closest I'll come to committing is leaving sex toys at their house
At a bar in the city and the whole place starting singing “Happy Birthday” to someone. Everyone but me. The person next to me leaned over and said, “Why didn’t you sing along?!?” I responded, “I don’t know him. I don’t give a shit if he has a happy birthday.”
Well, if you do die, I'll bedazzle your coffin.
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