there are some nice people on this island. free ride free pancakes and they even prayed for us when they dropped us off
I gave his parents a candle as a thanks for letting me hang out there all the time. Which i guess is more accurately a thanks-for-letting-me-fuck-your-son candle
You would be my first round pick for a drinking team
You made me pull over because you thought a leaf was a twenty rolling across the road.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Every grown women needs to pee herself once in her life. It builds character.
I just had to take a picture of someone whose testicles are bigger than my fists combined. Living the dream.
You're the only person I know who can be puking into a trash can at 8 in the morning in Manhattan and get a date out of it....
Yep if he's taking selfies he's probably on drugs again.
I found more straws in my beard this morning. Please stop doing that.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He left stubble rash on my thighs and cooked me bacon before 9am. I need to lock this down STAT
Damn it. If you ever throw me again, take video.
I just wanna inform you guys that the first pregnancy scare of 2016 is over...
To celebrate the holidays this evening, I will be replying “FUCK YOU” to all my spam emails. Can’t tell you how excited I am
We need to stop smoking. I just ran into a glass door.
Right now I'm laying face down on my carpet in my living room in the darkness sending work emails from my phone.
It's a glamorous life.
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