Boner jamz table deep. plus bar deep. wiing waing.
You were sitting at the bus stop holding hands with some Polish girl you just met, who was just as drunk as you were, and you kept trying to light your Kit Kat and smoke it.
Now he's talking about how he's writing in a journal because he doesn't remember "his thought patterns when he was in elementary and that's distressing". I'm walking home. Fuck this.
I just wished the taco bell drive thru guy a happy cinco de mayo. Who says arizonians hate mexicans?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Clearly he doesn't understand my need to be surrounded by cats at all times
My halloween constume SCREAMS "Hey i just got done with a shitty relationship and I'm DTF"
it was like vegas minus all of the penis and death threats
You are like the only girl I know who tells their booty call to go find another girl just cause you want more sleep.
Not as much as my roommate, who is in the middle of one of the pictures throwing a lawn chair at a cop car lol.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You could be a whistle.. And just ask bitches if they want to blow you all night
That makes 14 Xmas cards already! Middle aged people are really nice to their dealers.
Just had to double check that I had pants on. THAT kind of weekend.
Are you saying being a wizard and going to hogwarts wouldn't be life changing, believe in magic you fucking muggle
I feel like I may be the only person who can say they crutched their walk of shame. past the secret service.
at what point last night did i get this tattoo of an anchor made of dicks?
around eleven
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