you only like me because i go down faster than a bridge in minnesota
So explain to me again how you wake up next to a Brazilian model and I wake up next to a turkey sub? And a jar of grey poupon.
I too understand the importance of cheesy bread
I was in the bathroom throwing up...when I walked out he was sitting there watching porn and jacking off. He said, "Sounded like you were gonna be in there for a while."
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Whatever. It was high school. Back then I'd blow anyone who had enough room between their chest and their steering wheel for my head to fit.
Now have a vodka water and get your shit together
I'm getting to the point of going up to a guy and saying "Hi I'm maggie and i can put my foot behind my head"... That desperate.
he told me he was a Boston Bruins fan so I took his hat into the bathroom and peed in it...I've never been a prouder Ranger fan
Just skate-of-shamed, shirtless, with a bucket or margaritas. Good luck beating that one.
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Me and tommy were trying to figure out why our printer was jammed, found a condom stuck in the paper slot. #collegeprobs
Before you started puking your brains out, you took a moment to give me the correct order of the Harry potter series
How was jagerbomb pong?
It was like communism. Great in theory. Terrible when put into practice
i mean ive seen your left buttcheek how much more bro can this get
remember when we said that thing when we met about how we were each glad we weren’t furries
ok listen,
After the "sex" was over I dressed as quickly as possible. And then he came over to me stark naked and embraced me. For over a minute. And all I could think was please get your penis off my dress.
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