the toilet has never flushed louder then when you sneak home drunk and try to avoid your parents hearing you puke.
He made me pinky-promise that he gave me an orgasm.
i feel like my eyelids need a kick stand.
Is it wierd that you're going to be my best man and you've fucked my wife?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Were driving two hours to st louis so we can pee on the arch. See you in the morning. I might be sober by then.
he ate me out on his front porch at dawn. i orgasmed when the sun began to rise. most romantic morning booty call ever.
You pissed off the back deck while listening to the national anthem from your phone screaming America Fuck Yea to my neighbors
Do you think if 10 year old us knew that we would be passing out in a McDonalds after a hefty night of drinking, and 23 McChickens, they'd change anything?
Why is there a cash register on top of my car?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Some nice lady just gave me a beer out of her purse. I love youth hockey
We smoked weed. AS A FAMILY. IT WAS BEAUTIFUL.
Can't tell if waking up covered in easy mac is the sign of an amazing or terrible night
I bought a machete, tennis balls, and matches. How is this NOT going to be a great night?
I just sold Adderall to a priest, im not quite sure how I feel about this situation
She got a boob job, dumped her husband, became a stripper, got a DUI in her Porsche and is now dating her lawyer
I’m making her my life coach if med school doesn’t work out
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