I just had unprotected sex with a stranger. but i did him wearing nothing but my pearls. so its classy.
life lesson #1: a fart during an awkward silence between 2 strangers doesnt make it less awkward.
i flashed his best friends last night
you always were good at making good first impressions
my roomates packed me a lunch. it had bread, cheesewiz, a can of refried beans and a condom with a note that said "good luck on your first day". im not even gonna pretend to be mad.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
there is potential here for me to have a consistent access to someone's dick who isn't actually an asshole. i think i'm ready for a relationship.
my host sister just stared at me as i knocked over the lamp, then took out all my chocolate, walked into the bathroom, and locked the door. i'm officially the worst exchange student ever.
No The bastards made me buy a new one, They don't cover water damage an apparently they consider salsa water damage
went to their party, left halfway through to fuck a pledge, came back to keep drinking. I think everyone won.
Well you were hungry, by then you cried and called yourself a basic bitch for eating crackers
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He's a loser but she says we just don't see the good stuff about him. It's like she's dating the Charlie Brown Christmas Tree.
I've found my soulmate with the cardboard Dos Equis man.
MIDGETS
????
We need to stop going on dates to the strip club.
I've got a surprise in the fridge when you get back.
Is it a puppy?
I think my liver just tried to kill me, we need to slow down
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