The first thing on our $10,000 damage bill was "condoms in the main drain"
just read twilight to her over the phone, while in the bathtub, candlelight...i'd love to say no homo but that was so gay.
I was so proud to be driving sober that I wanted to get pulled over so I could tell the officer I hadn't been drinking.
she kept asking for a lobster dinner while she was crying. it was actually the most reasonable drunk chick request i've ever heard.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I have bruises from doing the splits on the poles, if that doesn't scream bourbon street regret then I don't know what does
Is it too early in the day to ask a nipple-related question?
he's a fucking beast. people that don't even know him have started calling him "puke and raleigh"
I had sex in an engineering office last night. So that could be your life. I was mounted on top of a sketch of a future parking lot for a maintenance building. If that's not romantic, idk what is
Im gonna go lick parts of my apartment. Good night and be ever vigilant, you never know when I'm coming to epoxy your hand to you nipple.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My husband was abducted by a group of disco dancers in the parde and danced off down the street. If you see him, tell him to Hustle on home and clean the cat box. #MardiGras
I think I just saw my socks in the parking lot.. gonna keep walking
You ran outside of the party to do the rain dance and swim in puddles
I think you threw up on me last night but i can't remember so i'm not mad at you.
I want you
Nvm, now I want someone who replies to my booty-call texts faster
Can you dump a guy for having pierced nipples or is that shallow?
Randomize