I start off june hungover/still drunk stumbling down my driveway with the trashcan at 6am..it's gonna be an interesting month
im 80% sure the guy across from me is taking pictures of my legs
I feel like a great embryo-shaped weight has been lifted off my shoulders.
You can't keep basing your relationship off of the fact that you both love ramen noodles
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
No idea. I woke up in the middle of the night to you drooling and gnawing on my arm. Then you rolled over, punched the air 4 times, then proceeded to talk about your hair in your sleep.
yea. Don't mess. He will heal me. But my blowjobs will be historical.
I was informed that last night we held hands while puking on the curb outside the bar.
We just have a real special relationship.
He brought a girl home so fat he called me before they got home to unlock the right side of the French doors
Fuck he won the bet
Bunch of Navy warships just sailed into New York Harbor for Fleet Week. Nobodys getting laid this weekend.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Holy shit, Uber is testing a service to summon an ice cream truck.
Bring me the penis of the founder so I may endlessly fellate him. Or cunnalinge. I don't discriminate.
All i remember is you yelling at a stop sign and the rest is a blur
So? Find me, fuck me, then you can go to sleep and I'll leave.
Wow. That's the most amazing thing anyone has ever said to me.
I hate csi yet I find myself watching a full marathon. I am also eating hotdog buns stuffed with barbecue chips and they are quite tasty
I blacked out and when I woke up and looked at the counter.. there was a full cake upside down. I dont even understand ...
so in 24 hours i have gotten caught having sex in my car by a cop, almost burnt off my vag, almost got hit by a semi, and got fired. awesome.
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