I just shot gunned a beer for your birthday alone because you're too hungover at midnight to get out of bed. I'm not sure which of us is the bigger loser
First date. He's wearing a tuxedo shirt and keeps asking me about our future children. Escape plan #3 is now in action...
New swimming pool is best sex toy ever. We are pioneering the doggie-style paddle.
the protein jug says add 2 scoops to your favorite beverage. guess who just found a way to make sam adams healthy? THIS GUY
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I hope you realize that its not me making that decision, but rather the combination of my genitals and sexual orientation
What does puking wasabi feel like?
Like snorting cocaine backwards.
I just realized now that you're pregnant we can't use alcohol as currency
But the sex is so much better when he already has a girlfriend
Just realized I chose a bacon cheeseburger over sex last night
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
When you make me feel sane and well-adjusted, it is time to reevaluate your night out habits. Just sayin'.
HIS DICK ISNT BIG ENOUGH FOR HIM TO BE THAT PROUD OKAY
We got stoned and took selfies with the most perfect lawn
I'm sorry for what I said when I was orgasming
Just renamed the subject of my sex list on my phone "grocery list" just in case anyone comes across it
I just want to eat chicken fingers and drink beer and smoke in bed with my laptop so I can watch Netflix
So your not doing THAT great with the break up then...
Randomize