Why does every girl think its ok to cheat on their boyfriends with me?
why didn't you say something constructive like "stop chugging that vodka"?
All I heard was "You have collect call from Lafayette Parish Jail for Dude it was awesome! I'll tell you about it later!"
The gay bar tender told me I looked like Prince William. And that I needed my balls licked.
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Also, turning on the light this morning was a 3 step process. Way too hungover.
Dear sober self: your car keys are in the glove compartment, your car is outside the church. I hope you're reading this from your own bed instead of someone else's.
Prepare for tons of dick. I mean dick by the bucket loads. Waterfalls if cock.
But I aced my quizzes. Apparently flash card beer pong is an acceptable form of studying.
I was originally going to go as fembot from Austin Powers
I wanted to have tiny guns for tits
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The struggle bus crashed, rolled down a mountain, and went on fire, and I was on it ugh.
That moment when you realize the hot british guy named rory you drunkenly made out with at a bar is American, is named Tyler, and has a girlfriend.
He said he remembers me...standing on a snowy roof, smoking a blunt, yelling "you're pretty fly for a white guy" at him. Sounds about right.
she's p upset bro
Where is he. I have a sword.
I woke up in the bathtub with money shoved down my pants. I must've done something right.
There is a baby in my apartment. What the fuck happened last night?
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