Well the candle wax mightve been sexy if he didn't drop the candle and light half my bed on fire
grown man stumbling drunk down green street wearing nothing but a hot dog costume and crying. its not even noon yet.
She just threw the soap bottle at me from the ladie's room and keeps asking me when we left the bar and got on the boat.
Made fish tank punch. It's like trash can punch but in a fish tank. Also, my dad saw a picture I uploaded on Facebook and called me a pussy for only making 10 gallons.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The next time you try to involve a tickle me Elmo in my orgasm, I'm leaving you
Why do the people I hook up with still exist after we're done?
That's exactly how my pussy feels when I shave it. Like a cross between a naked mole rat and a newborn child. Embrace it.
I've injured myself in such a way that i am only capable of making love standing up now
I have feelings that need drinking.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Life lesson 8263 if drinking a beer in the shower be careful when shampooing... Tresemme flavored rolling rock sucks
There's some random guy here dryhumping my kitchen door. If he is a friend of yours, please come and retrieve him.
You can cuddle me. Word on the street is my ass is ridiculous.
I gave your mom a discount on her coffee, its my way to say thanks for having a son that makes me come every time
fyi my negative pregnancy test is taped to the fridge...i'll take it over an A+ any day. be proud.
I banged a marine last night. No wonder everybody respects them.
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