fuck, i think i'm broken. Alchyhol air mattress = the suck.
Dude. Creed is coming in september.
We're no longer friends.
I just realized that "Hey girl, when you gonna let me tap that?" is in iambic pentameter. I'm going to write a poem...
I bet him anal if they won...the one time Detroit decides to win, it had to be this week
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Your noise violation report contains the word "five-some"...wtf happened in here?
Yeah I think we tried to use the shower curtain as a parachute because its tied to my backpack with some string. Dont know if anyone actually attempted it though.
Definitely just said "no homo" to our gay waiter at Cheesecake Factory...our service has steadily declined since.
Why do you have to go to the hospital?
I gotta apologize to a male nurse who's tryin to press assault charges on me
Happiness for him is a different happiness than you can supply cuz you have life standards, morals and goals that dont include the bar or beer everynight.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
announcing that you were the mayor of bjtown got their attention.
An we can hold bottles of vodka in our hands singing yo ho a pirates life for me
did the fire alarm go off at the party last night I kind of remember a fire alarm noise
omg omg i ripped it out of the ceiling omg
I put tequila in my salad dressing yesterday. Step the fuck up.
it was so good i reconsidered my staunch atheism
Stuck in the Minneapolis airport for 3 hours with an expense budget and a wine bar. This could get out of hand quickly.
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