Just threw up in a trash can by the ATM. Then pulled out money for weed.
talked to my RA about stamps and mailmen again. when do you think she'll realize that i only talk to her when i'm high?
no, didnt close...
What?! she made the first move and invited you back to her place. thats like striking out in t-ball pathetic...
Cant decide who was more of a mess the morning after... me when i passed out in the bathroom stall or you when you sprayed yourself down with hairspray thinking it was sunblock
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The online application for Mcdonald's said I could do incredible things there. Today I threw out shit filled underwear in the women's restroom and escorted a very drunk/high 42 year old man outside after he ordered a 5 dollar foot long and a bloody mary.
Not only was there cake on the wall but someone shoved cake and meat in a cup and put it in the fridge.
I was just sitting on the ground alone in fetal position shivering and chewing on my hand when she found me. ecstasy was not my best idea.
Dave, I love you but you're barking up the wrong lesbian. You sir are the competition. You don't threesome with competition.
How many people can say they've shit on the floor of a five star hotel?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
when I said energy drinks I meant cocaine
Put some vodka in it
Its 7am
put some vodka in it
I JUST SENT A TOILET SELFIE TO THE WRONG PERSON.
It was extremely weird and uncomfortable mid blow job she looks up and says " tell me Simon Cowell makes your dick hard"
You burped in your shoe and whispered 'you're mine now'
How was I supposed to know the accent was fake before i slept with him
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