dude, she has braces
i meant the dude w the ponytail.
i was less creeped out when i thought you were talking about the 14 y.o.
Dude, I would hit that so hard that whoever could pull me out would become the king of England
that cunt stole my fb status. SHE'S NOT THAT FUNNY
Bagel with cream cheese. It's blowing my fucking mind.
How high are you right now..
I MICROWAVED IT. SIGNIFICANT IMPROVEMENT.
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Woke up to pictures of me cooking wings with a blow torch.
somehow this turned into a costume party you have to get here now with my banana suit or I'm wearing my birthday suit
I have learned that if you don't want to hook up with the guy who walked you home, food is great compensation.
They had to stop us from skinny dipping in the reflection pool of the Mormon temple.
ten seconds after he was done making out with the blonde, he rips off his jacket and screamed "Goddamn it, you know I like brunettes"
I have never seen someone so pissed at getting some. i called dibs so fuck him
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She's really sweet and cute, but when she drinks, she becomes way too proud of her bush.
i want to platonically make out with them, platonically. in the back of this minivan
Excuse me while I gouge out my eyes.
In which case my work here is done.
I like to make sure they know it's casual by giving then a high five after sex
Hypothetically speaking of course, is it bad if a cat eats lube?
I'm not sure what happened. There's a frozen waffle in the floor and he's walking around with a curtain rod and making planes out of bread slices...
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