You know that hot fire fighter I fucked yesterday? Well him and two other guys are killing the fire on my stove. Awkward.
I think he finally resigned to the fact he could not get off. He just looked at me and said "I'm having testicle difficulties," rolled over and passed out.
That's fun. I just masturbated and I swear my vagina creaked.
I got carried to one bar. Got a piggy back ride to the next bar. I was just testing our drinking team for st pattys day to make sure they are able to handle me more drunk than that.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I feel like I just want to take a shot of jack, have sex, and shoot myself in the face. In that order exactly.
I smelled him yesterday and almost relapsed he's like cocaine
If you don't believe in my fighting skills, I don't know if we can be together
We probably shouldn't have humped each other in a stairwell for an hour. that was probably my bad
Moral of the story - don't craft naked. Your nipples with thank me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You know you're an adult when you start planning your hookup a week in advance
What happened lastnight it looks like I had sex with edward scissor hands....my back is so messed up
my bad i broke a mirror over your back
I THINK HE DOES. OMG!!!!! OMG I FUCKED A GUY W A FAKE LEG AND I DIDN'T EVEN KNOW!!!!!!????!!!!!!!!!
Didn't think I'd be dancing with the Power Rangers but here I am
Just woke up next to a hungry lesbian and a half eaten croissant on my stomach. Can you come get me?
There’s a child, alone, sitting on a picnic table out there, making bird noises
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