just mention it in a side comment sometime today... like oh by the way i have a daughter but um yeah my day was good
Even though I wasn't drunk last night, I peed in the sink just so I could keep my record going
Remember that foreign guy who never talked last night? He just came out of my bathroom when I woke up.
I just want uncharted vagina. Fresh and ripe.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Glow parties are what I live for
Your priorities in life astound me
I am self-sufficient. I puked in a wine glass and emptied it in the trash. Points for style and neatness
FULL ON LADY WOOD. YOU CAN SEE THE VEIN
What changed your mind?
Being sober
Dave when you find that upper decker at your house its from me but its for Jill not you
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm back in the dating scene now... Since the legality issue calmed down. And my stalking charges were dropped.
it's not like I want to die, I just want life to stop for a little bit. how does that work?
I vaguely remember us chasing shots by licking each other's faces last night. Our friendship has reached another level completely.
See I would make a great girlfriend. My surprises are sex and burritos. What else do guys want
We took vodka shots. You kept saying it was the key to your heart.
I just bought a slurpee and condoms. God bless America.
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